Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Miss America 2012

The Miss America Pageant on Saturday got completely overshadowed by the Golden Globes, as it should have, but I didn't want to skip over the hot mess that was the "competition," especially the talent portion of the evening.
It was bad enough worth mentioning.

The whole thing was hilarious! But I don't think it was supposed to be.
Oh well, I enjoyed it in that cringe worthy way only bad TV can give you.

Starting with the intro... I usually like this part where every contestant introduces themselves and what state their from. These ladies each shared a fun fact about themselves or their state. I don't know who wrote these little quips for them if they came up with them on their own (doubt it) but I was surprised at some of the things these states are proud of.

Like Rhode Island's claim to fame being the place Family Guy is set in. Really? They couldn't come up with anything more impressive than a fictional (animated) show happens to take place there?
Random and Weird.

Hey, I guess it was better than Miss West Virginia talking about natural gas.
That joke just wrote itself.
Except for it's not a joke, she really did.

I usually love the evening gown portion, but there was not a lot of color or exciting dresses this year. A lot of that same cream/nude/white/blush we've been seeing so much of lately (see below)

I only some what liked two dresses:

Whoa, big over sized shoulder bow!

Now onto the "talents." This pageant is "edgy" meaning they make all the girls get ready and sit on the sidelines waiting for their name to be called, even though not all of them will perform.

And then once you're eliminated you have to talk to Brooke Burke immediately after, wish all your peers well, and try to choke down your tears. Very uncomfortable to watch, especially since they are all preparing to go on stage and then they have to just slink backstage.

As if that wasn't bad enough to watch, it got even worse for those who actually did perform their so-called talent. I did not think one of those performances was worthy of the crown.
The singing was awful and the dancing was worse.
Ever wondered what a ballet robot looks like?

Watch this.

Now you know.
I could have gone my whole life without this burned into my brain.
To lessen the blow of how boring and bizarre this was, they ran a ticker of "interesting" facts below each woman performing.
Not only was Miss Illinois doing the craziest pointe routine I've ever seen, now the whole world knows she is "afraid of windmills." I'm not making this up.

Side Note: The chick who played the piano was so hunched over I felt like I was watching The Hunchback of Notre Dame: Quasi Goes Classy!
(Plus a non ironic black swan performance. All I could think of was Jim Carrey on SNL.)

Now onto that magical moment. Miss America has finally been crowned. I'm sorry, but it's 2012...why is it they can never put that crown on right? It's so distracting to see that thing wobbling around when the winner is trying to do her victory walk.
Get it together, show organizers! There's got to be a better way!
(And she couldn't get the sash over her head because she wouldn't put her hand down. Finally Miss America 2011 had to physically pull it down!)
It was pretty funny. Watch here.

P.S. Miss Wisconsin, ever heard of waterproof mascara? DUH! That's like, pageant 101!
Having those huge black streaks running down your face is not a good look for anyone, let alone a beauty queen who should know these things.

Now I really want to watch Miss Congeniality. Must go see if I can't track down my VHS copy.
Gracie Lou Freebush would never let her mascara run.


  1. Good lord. What a nut show. Ever since the whole scandal with the last Miss America in rehab I washed my hands of this and any pageant.

    guess I wasn't missing much.

    1. I know what you mean- I'm not sure how many more i will waste time on. It's more hilariously bad at this point.
      But, no, you did not miss anything! LOL!